An elderly couple, married for sixty years, took a rare vacation. They were not well-off but were in good health, perhaps because the wife had insisted on a strict diet of healthy foods, no alcohol, no smoking, and lots of gym exercise for most of their lives. Sadly their plane crashed however, and duly they both entered heaven, where St Peter escorted them through the Pearly Gates, and into a waiting limousine. Driving through beautiful countryside they drew up at a beautiful mansion and were shown inside. It was furnished in gold and fine silks, with a splendid kitchen and a sumptuous lounge stocked with wonderful food and drink - there was even a waterfall in the master bathroom. A maid was hanging beautiful designer clothes in the walk-in wardrobes. They gasped in astonishment when St Peter said, "Welcome to heaven. This will be your home now."
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Nothing," Peter replied, "this is your heavenly reward."
The old man looked out of the window and saw a magnificent championship golf course.
"What are the green fees?" he asked suspiciously.
"This is heaven," St Peter replied, "You can play for free whenever you wish."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them.
Anticipating the old man's next question, St Peter said, "Don't ask, this is heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"This is heaven. You can eat and drink as much as you like, and you will never get fat or sick."
"I don't need to go to the gym?" the old man pressed.
"Not unless you want to," St Peter replied.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..."
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
The old man glared at his wife, "You and your bloody bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!"
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